Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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