living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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