Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
