NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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