My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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