I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
