Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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