Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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