I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
