Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
