at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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