I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
