Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
