haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
