sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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