I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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