The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
