We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
