It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
