Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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