Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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