So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
