i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
