in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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