i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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