Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
