I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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