Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
