Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
