This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
