i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize