Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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