I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love you. Go after that dick
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
