dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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