I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
