If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
