Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
