Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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