you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
