I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
