I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
