I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
