I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
