i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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