So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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