I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
