too bad you live with your parents still
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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