Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
