it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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