We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
