Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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