i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
