I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
did i just pee glitter
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
